Thursday, September 21, 2006

Dawn of the Fashion Police

Several fashion shows have finally been moved to take action. Using arguably the most simplistic and unscientific equation ever devised, the Body Mass Index, any models now believed to fall below an arbitrary minimum weight in relation to their height have been unceremoniously banned from the catwalks of Madrid's Fashion Week & from the pages of Israel's vibrant fashion industry. After being persuaded for decades by their fashion paymasters and the covers of every major fashion magazine that all body fat is an abomination, and that every dimple of cellulite must be purged ruthlessly until a pale and drawn perfection is achieved, long-suffering models are now being systematically rounded up and cast from their profession for being 'too thin'. Fashion is a cycle and we may well have come full circle, but it is the models who are clearly being held to account for following the bodyforms preferred by their overlords. Now they will be forced back into the gyms to sweat & tone until their curves once again fall within the set of new regulations. Ask any gym devotee if there is anything harder than training for fitness, and they almost certainly tell you that it is doing so without the fuel of proper nutrition. Soon the eugenic police will be defining acceptable hip-to-waist ratios, banning large breasts, and selectively deciding which perfect people will be allowed to have children. Already those deemed to be unacceptably overweight are being denied access to IVF treatment within the UK. Devotees of Huxley's Brave New World, readers of Fattifers and Thinifers, and other literary predictions of a world dominated by science, big government and selective breeding will be smiling inwardly (so nobody hopefully can spot them...) Diets have become more extreme, the cult of the triathlete is as conspicuous as the summer outing of washboard abdominals, and few balanced, moderate diets such as the HiPaCC Diet are fashionable. We are, as Stephen Fry so aptly put it, living in an 'Age of Body Facism'. Heaven forefend that any extremist should suggest that fat cells are a normal, healthy constituent of the human body. So where will the fashion police be taking us next? We'll have to wait until they get out of the shower and hope that our self-appointed eugenic rulers are in a good mood...